Smiling Tears

In the era of temporary feelings and attachment-based love, a large group of teenagers is falling weak emotionally. Actually, to be honest, most people let it be young teens, young twenties, thirty or forty, everyone has faced emotional roller coasters in their life at least once and some are even facing them currently. 

Jealousy, anger, anxiety issues, rages, emotional volatility, sleepless nights, guilt, panic attacks, depressive thoughts, etc. They are not very new to everyone.

We have seen people talking about depression, some about anger issues, some about jealousy, etc. But why isn't anyone connecting all the emotional states and providing a reasonable explanation for all the thoughts?

There was a guy named Ravi, he was having feelings for a girl Ketaki, he loved when he was with Ketaki, he was angry when he saw Ketaki with someone else, he was upset when Ketaki didn't talk to him even for a day, he was jealous when Ketaki used any other guy's name in conversation. He went sleepless for many nights just because Ketaki was not supportive enough of him, he went into fights with boys when someone took her name for fun, etc. In short, he was entirely dependent on ketaki on an emotional basis. 

He went jealous when Ketaki was talking regularly to Soham. He told her indirectly not to talk with him. But she didn't listen entirely, she kept on conversating with Soham. It went on like this for many days, there were too many regular fights between them on this topic, Ravi was jealous, and he tried to keep Ketaki away from Soham but she refused. Ketaki got exhausted due to regular fights and so many restrictions by Ravi. So Ketaki stopped contacting Ravi. Ravi went anxious and was feeling both jealousy and rage toward Ketaki. He knew that it wasn't Ketaki's entire fault but his negative side of mind convinced him that Ketaki is not a good girl for him. Their friendship went in total titanic because of jealousy. He went sleepless for many nights. He started having therapy sessions to have some peace. Ketaki was enjoying her own life but on the other hand, Ravi went into a complete depressive state of mind. 

Why did it happen?

What will the experts suggest here? Is it due to jealousy? Is it due to anger issues? Is it because of a lack of patience? Is it because of a short temper?

What should they suggest to him, a cure for depression? Cure for overthinking? Cure for anger issues? Cure for sleep?

Any suggestion or treatment is to be considered elsewhere. 

I asked a lot of teenagers and college-going students, both male and female, about this situation and what I got is really surprising for me.

Let's have them in the format of question and answer.

1. What is the best that you find in a relationship with your close friends?

I have found that friendship is a must thing in the life of any person. Close friends are those with whom you can share every single bit of life because you know that whatever the situation will be, you won't be betrayed.

2. Do you think it is good for a vulnerable aged teenager or any person should depend emotionally on his or her closed friend?

Ans.: 

I think that it is totally not great for any person to be dependent on someone. we don't know what kind of tomorrow we have to see. Even due to God's grace let's assume that a close friend of his is very kind and respectable towards him, but it doesn't mean that every possible situation that may come in future will be in favour of their friendship. 

Most of the girls suggested that it is totally not good for anyone to be emotionally dependent on anyone. But this doesn't mean that we should change our emotional background with our friends, because to be honest, it's impossible.

3. Expecting from our bestfriends is good or bad?

Ans.: 

On this question, I got very surprising answers. Let us see one. One girl told me a very great thought

Don't expect everything just because you know it has to be like that or you have seen it to be happening that way. Probably your best friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/close friend has a different background of thoughts in his or her surrounding while growing up so he might be having some different opinions than you or he might behave far differently than what you have expected.

Isn't it true? The most probable reason for unbalanced relations is the difference in opinions. For example, suppose there is a boy from a metro city, who studied in a convent school, is from a very friendly family and is in a relationship with a girl from a town or a partly orthodox family who is not so friendly with urban thoughts. The boy is very friendly and talkative with girls in his class or school, neighbourhood, etc. The girl might be in a problem due to his habit. She may dislike his habit and might be having timely quarrels with him. Now it's very clear that both are correct on their personal level. What makes the situation a problem is what the next question is...

4. Can we expect efforts from them?

Ans.: 

The answer is very simple, Yes!

If he is someone who matters to you and to whom you matter too, you should expect efforts. I mean what's a friendship without efforts from both sides?

I have seen many relations where one person doesn't even need to express his or her feeling in words. Only her expressions or behaviour can tell the other person that something is not good with her and he approaches her to have a share in her problem.

5. If someone whom you love and truly care for is going far from you, what would you do?

Ans.:

A girl answered this question very beautifully. 

If it was true, it won't happen. If it's happening, let it happen, smile and wait for the new gift god surprises you with. No need to force someone because first of all you cannot force someone who wants to leave and you cannot control what's happening in his or her mind. 

No need to go angry or upset or curse her. Just wait, relax, breathe, isolate for a few days and come with a new glowing smile. Don't be so dependent on someone that you gave your right to smile in someone else's hands.

6. How do you control your anger?

The boys answered very simply. They either keep quiet or shower their anger on someone. I am the second one tbh in expressing anger. Girls on the other hand were very calm and told they just have emotional overflow through their eyes or they write in diaries or some of them even punch pillows and whatnot to control their anger. Some said they share their emotions with other closed person/s they have in their life which makes me question them something which is...

7. Is only one close person sufficient?

The answer I got is unpredictable. It might be sufficient or might be not. Some said they have both male and female friends to talk to and share their emotional rollercoaster with. Some said they share many things with their parents also. Some said they don't share what happens between them and their friend with anyone not even with best buddies too.

                              Image credits Unsplash

8. How you handle jealousy with people?

The answer was complicated and the question too. A girl who was a friend to a boy for months or years suddenly starts talking to another boy too who is more jolly, better in all aspects. Obviously, it will inject the person with jealousy. One girl couldn't even answer the question. You can understand how complicated the situation will be for anyone going through it. You can't tell her too many times to be away from that person because it will make you look cringe and controlling, you cannot fight with her always because it will only make you look the devil in her eyes and her sympathy will only increase to him if he starts staying lonely. 

A simple solution that I was answered with is to discuss clearly what you are feeling. Most of the time a person understands the situation and won't question you back like, "Why do you what this? why are you jealous? Are you having feelings for me? etc.

A mature person will understand your situation. No need to go rage with him or her. Just talk it out easily.

A suggestion that I keep giving everyone always is not to be silent. Keep on expressing. Don't overexpress but don't be a mystery too. It will sort out if you just talked with proper words and the proper way of communication. No need to think you have no one to talk to because you already have someone who is there for you but you are ignoring his importance. If you want isolation, stay isolated but keep the company of god with you. Cry in front of him, express your feelings to him and connect with him. He won't let you go alone anywhere. Have a dose of happiness thinking about how far have we come now, how lucky I am to have him or her in my life, let her position be anything, a friend/girlfriend/best friend/sister etc. also have some self-dates and self-gifts. 

ENJOY YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR BEST-FRIEND-'GOD'.

                           Image credits Unsplash